impatient...

Well Thanksgiving is over, the turkey is almost all gone there are still a ton of mashed potatoes.. (maybe ten lbs was a little to much) and the baby is still not here.... i know it will happen when she decides it's a good time but COME ON!! i just want this over with. The last few weeks are by far the worst...

anyways.. oh yes Thanksgiving!
i would consider this our first real holiday together. our neighbor came over and helped with the cooking because i don't know the first thing about making a turkey, i made pumpkin roll, pumpkin pie, apple crisp, and mashed potatoes. there were twenty people here all together only three of which were American, but it was still a good time. it was great being able to give them their first thanksgiving ever. I'll post some pictures later.
i got a surprise phone call from Sean and Rae last night! wow i couldn't be happier to hear their voices, they are taking a road trip this January so we are going to get to spend sometime with them!! i can't wait to see them in December.. the only thing i am nervous about is flying back alone with Shiloh. but i am sure it will all work out and be ok.

BABY!!!!

Wow we are just days away! Gosh i can't wait to not be prego... it has been phenomenal how we have been provided for over these past few weeks, we haven't had to but anything for her. and the majority of stuff is brand new. and the stuff that isn't is only lightly used. The church here has been such a blessing!
we are looking forward to spending Christmas in NH with the rest of the family I'm going to be staying a week where as Stephen will come back earlier... i don't know how i will handle it, but in a way i feel that i am cheating them out of time with the baby, and they need to have as much time as possible. Things are starting to fall into place. i am happy to say :) now if we can get the landlord to fix our house we will be in great shape!!
we finally bought a webcam! i am so excited about that!!! this move really was the best thing for us. alright back to crocheting the blanket! i should be done by christmas then ill make us one :)

Gosh, i am getting so tired.. i want to go back to sleep right now but i don't think that i will wake up on time if i do. i am so ready to have this baby, part of me still doesn't believe that we are having her in just a short while. have my first Doctor's appointment today, since moving to OH. you know, i am actually glad that we moved out here. i was a bit hesitant at first but i really do think that this was a good decision, I'm just kind of nervous that Stephen still hasn't found a job... but i am sure that he will. i wish that i could work, that would make this allot easier.. at the same time i know as of now i really cant do anything!
so we have been looking at school and he has really been encouraging me in that direction. the term starts in March so that would give me enough time with Shiloh, especially if i took evening courses. wow my eyes are fall asleep i need to hit the sack.

I've come to realize how truly blessed i am.
there are so many people that are struggling these days. were as we are both working steadily and have yet to experience any serious financial dilemmas relationally we are doing great and soon to be welcoming our daughter into this world. i look around and see so many people having such a hard time with money in most cases they are living outside of their means or just don't have enough. i love being able to live a life of simplicity even though sometimes i feel that it could be more so. i am so grateful for a husband that truly loves me for who i am, someone whom i can trust to the utmost and who shares the same vision desires and ideas, who shares the same idea and value of family.

I'm having some trouble with motivation. Rocky had it easy all he needed was some theme music and some guys face to punch in.. given some of this lack of motivation and fatigue has so to do with the little girl that's growing inside of me, but I'm worried that once she is born i won't change. honestly i am so nervous to be a mom.. i mean i know that i can do it and i know that Stephen is going to be a great father, it still kind of scares me.

Although i truly do hate living in the midwest and all the more so living in a college town i can't help but stop and appreciate all the cultures that are represented here. it really allows me to remember that there is a world outside of my own or that there is interest outside of the craziness of this "American dream"
so thank you Hsin Lin for taking the time to talk to me at the bus stop, thank you Jin for sharing meals with me, thank you Fatuma and Juan for inviting me into your home, thank you Stephen for teaching me your humor.
I don't know why anyone would choose to be blind to all the colors, shapes, textures, and tastes that this world has to offer.

day 1ish

Well, we have been married not that long.. now expecting our first baby! i am starting to feel the baby move around and desperately want to know what it is that we are having.
I can't deny that i am excited about stepping forward and the expectancy of being a parent yet at the same time, i don't think that i have felt this lonely or this overwhelmed in a long time. I feel so unproductive, i feel invisible, unneeded. it sucks, what makes it worst is that i cant put these feelings into viable words.. I'm hoping that i will get a jump start soon.
Never the less, I can't be thankful enough for the man that I have, sometimes i feel some what adequate and i think that has something to do with our age difference. Yet i have loved starting my new life with him i am waiting to see what we make of all this.