25 years later

Today mrks my 25th birthday, I can see the road behind me and how differently things turned out to be then expected. I am excited for this year i really am, im usually not but i feel thst this is going to be a year of growth. If i was a flower i this would be the time that i start to bloom, its like ive been waiting for so long i don't know for what but i am starting to grow and feel the pain and excitment of being stretched.
My life is so full i have two of the most beautiful children a husband who is a fantastic father and goes above what i could ever ask. I feel that we have gained a true perspective of our goals and what our mission is. I am waiting to move again but this time i feel hope that this is all truley a mean to an end that end is our calling to serve in Rwanda.
So what is it that i want out of this year?
-i want to become a more commited christian not only in word and deed but by growing in knowledge. This means reading and studying
- i want to further establish traditions in our home
- i want to create  a welcoming home enviorment people and myfsmily actually want to be in
- i want to learn to be more loving and forgiving.. Its easy for me to hold a record against people
- i want to be less judgmentsl towards others and myself
- i want to become physically fit
- i want to figure out if homeschooling is something i want to invest in with Shiloh.
- i want to travel more
- i want to figure out what i can do with my crocheting

What words can I say to truly express what it is that I want to Convey?
I am tired of this frivolity that seems to plague me, these empty words that so often fill my mouth and spill from my tongue.

Just a closer walk with thee
granted Jesus tis my plea
daily walking close to Thee
 let it be dear Lord let it be.

It is these words that have been searing my mind,Words that i haven't let penetrate my heart. I have lost the meaning of these words, they have been replaced with the words 'Sleep', 'work', 'maybe later'...

A little late in the coming....

We were blessed to recieve our newest addition Stephen Nsengiyumva jr. July 12,2012

(1Sa 2:1) And Hannah prayed and said, "My heart exults in the LORD; my strength is exalted in the LORD. My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation.

1+1=4

Little Stephen

(1Sa 2:2) "There is none holy like the LORD; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.

"The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible."
-Albert Einstein

The hopeless on my door step

This world makes me sad... we as humans are all so hopeless and so full of fear. the confidence we do gain in life can be so easily stomped on our reputation ruined for no good reason at all. And all because of the way we are taught to think.
Yesterday we were coming back from the store it was probably around 9:00 some kid he looked younger then me came up to the car asking for help. i offered him some food and he said he had plenty of food he has been begging for the past week all he needs is some money he said that he takes what he has and save it for stuff that he would need. i had just a $1.30 on me... i gave it to him and he thanked me and walked away. this whole situation stuck with me for the rest of the night i had a dream about him and still remember how i felt then.
He told us that he had been working for his uncle landscaping then his uncle moved and left him. whether this is true or not i don't know but i saw sincerity in him and even embarrassment in having to actually ask for money... he even said sorry i know how i look.... now we can assume that he was a con man or a drug addict. And yes he can make it to the point where he will be in a better situation. but right there in that moment he was so hopeless and dejected. pulling himself outside of society because he knows that he probably wouldn't be welcome.
I wanted just to tell him to get in the car come home take a hot shower you can sleep on the couch tonight. you can have a glimpse of hope and if not at least a friend. but i stopped myself we stop ourselves.. why? lack of resources,lack of trust in humanity, lack of love, selfishness?
How can i be more like Christ when i ignore the hopeless on my door step.  

i found this and really liked it, I find myself so willing to make excuses for why God can't or won't use me. Whether or not we ask him to God is going to use us to bring glory to his name we are his children. it is when we can admit to being his and see him using us as a joy that we can fully step into the blessing he has for us.  

Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Jonah ran from God, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Miriam was a gossiper, Rahab was a harlot, Martha was a worrier, Thomas was a doubter, Sara was impatient, Elijah was moody, Moses stuttered, Zaccheus was short, Abraham was old, and Lazarus was dead.... Now, what's your excuse? Can God use you or not? God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the CALLED!!